Hello Polito,
We are very concerned about you and hope that you are able to find some supportive friends or other resources to be helpful to you at this time of grief and distress.
If you are in Canada, there are crisis services that can be helpful in exactly these circumstances. We encourage you to please reach out to them. To find information please contact Crisis Services Canada at: http://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/ or CALL TOLL FREE: 1.833.456.4566 (Available 24/7), or TEXT: 45645 (Available Daily from 4pm-12am ET).
We hope you are able to find people to support you.
Simone (CVH Moderator)