Hello
MelissaAnn, I met you on another thread, but your words on this thread have stayed me.  Like Heather2408 I am sorry you are feeling alone and scared.  Those two feelings often go together.

Shell92108 started Stage IV HCV Disease with Stage I Hepatoma a couple of years ago.  It has not been active recently but from the title of this thread, I thought you might be interested.

This is a safe community MelissaAnn – would it help some of your fear and loneliness to talk with us? We are listening – you are not alone.

Katherine

Hi MelissaAnn,

As I was reading your message here today, I felt a word that is something I use to describe my own feelings at times: hiraeth; a Welsh word used to describe a feeling of longing or a homesickness for something or somewhere in the past or perhaps not even ever experienced.  Grief has been described in so many ways, and I prefer to think of it as a ribbon that doubles back on itself, rather than a straight line.  it's very important for me to acknowledge all my feelings, and to feel them, without questioning whether others might think them silly, or that I wasn't right in the head!

I'm so blessed, and yet I still grieve the passages of my life.  Yesterday we listed our house with a real estate agent and, as I signed my name, I realized that it was exactly 7 years to the day since my first surgery for breast cancer.  That sent me down memory lane, let me tell you.  I have lived in this house for only 12 years, and yet it is the longest period of time I have lived in one place.  This is the house which wrapped its arms around me, where I felt safe as I experienced death and birth, acceptance of my own mortality, and where I grew up emotionally and spiritually. Grandchildren have had sleepovers, eaten ice cream for breakfast, built inukshuks.  I got married from here 6 1/2 years ago.  I have experienced fear, and I have experienced the depths of faith, and I have experienced the brilliant sunlight of the spirit I call hope.

I don't think it will ever be easy to leave the things yet to come which will not come in my lifetime, just as it hasn't been easy to help my Mom die, or my sister.  I love what linda* said, above, about our ultimate aloneness and how we are alone together.  I believe my acceptance of that has helped me understand the difference between alone and lonely.  And, although it tugs at my heartstrings to think of the life passages of my son, his wife, my grandchildren, and, of course my husband, they will happen, with or without me.  And it's OK for me to feel whatever feelings come up.  

You are both in my thoughts and prayers, so please keep coming back here to tell us how you're feeling.

((((hugs))))

Heather